Wrapping Things Up for 2010 & Open Arms for 2011: 

This time of year until New Years I sit down and reflect on the year and think about some things I would like to achieve or areas that I noticed need more attention.  2010 has been good to me,  my year of stepping stones in so many directions... My singing... My Art... I started out 2010 with a wonderful opportunity to perform a recital at the Heard Museum, sang my first song in the Oneida Language for my Grandmother, during the American Association For University Women "Dreamers and Doers," Luncheon, A guest soloist for the Red Shawl Gala in Milwaukee, Performed Caro nome and D'amor sull'ali rosee by Verdi for the Club Italo-Americano of Green Bay...my first time singing opera arias by Verdi and I loved it!, writting music for my recitals...especially appreciative of my song "I Soar," that came to me in 15 minutes(I think came from a special place from above.) and the best part of the year is working with CESA 7# Producer, Eileen Littig, we acheived a lot of goals and 10 fold-1 raised $10,000 in one month with two grants!, and I met my Voice Teacher, Inci Bashar and Vocal Coach, Maggie, (Robbins/Drummond) Colbert in June and have grown so much-feel honored to work with them.

I have to say the past couple years has been a growth spurt especially for my singing.  I count my blessings... and appreciate all my wonderful growth opportunities.  I feel my music and art developing into something more every year.  I always say... I couldn't be able to survive in my life with out Music and Art-been a lovely gift and inspiration.  This year certainly tested me but it has also enriched my life through the many experience and opportunities... Although I'm so grateful for the ability to sing and create art... The best part is all the lovely friendships I have built along the way.  I have to say I do have some wonderful family and friends that are so proud of me, supportive, and encouraging that is the best part of my creative life. 

2010 has been a very productive year and I promise all my family, friends, and wonderful people I'll meet this following year... I will make 2011 another enriching experience!  A promise that will be easy to keep.  Thank you 2010... You have been good to me and 2011... I feel in my heart will be another good year!  :)  I'm ready to turn over a new leaf... and see what I can do to make my life even better.  :) To 2010... Thank you... and 2011 BRING IT ON!  :)  Happy New Year!  ;)  

December 31, 2010

2011 Why Not?!?!: 

It seemed like from Spring to this late fall I have been non-stop with either my art or music.  Between painting and making pottery... I managed to squeeze in a recital and wrote some piano pieces one in particular for my father, called, Ernie's Manifesto which I feel will continue to manifest and grow-I'll know when it is complete... wrote an inspirational song called, I Soar, which I just love... really makes me feel good singing it, a song called, Star-Crossed Lovers that I would like to use this to experiment with Techno...I'm calling this style Opera-Techno Fusion, been wanting to sing opera and fuse it with techno music for fun; heard some pieces and it is actually quite beautiful and something our younger generations may get a kick out of, and the this fall and early January pulled together a three Love Song, song set for recitals called, Love is a Rose, The Secret, and Fallen-they are beautiful and of course I love singing about love, what classical singer doesn't!?!  I was thinking to myself... my ultimate goal is to write music for my recitals and eventually record a CD... I started to think what qualifies a song for a classical recital...? what are some characteristics?  I looked at my song repertoire from 25 years...and I have to say 95% of it was about "love."  So that was my starting point for this years new compositions... I was inspired by romance and love and these songs came to me.  I am delighted to start the new year with 4 particular songs that I will soon notate on sheet music and test drive them with a pianist, than prepare them for performances coming up quick.  I'm performing for the First Nation Composer Initiative Fund-raiser concert, May 21, 2011 at the Macphail Center For Music... the program is to foster the development of classical composers... So I'll be performing some songs of my own for that... and I thought a couple opera arias by Puccini to demonstrate what I've trained in for a long time. :) 

I was recently contacted by a chamber ensemble, who is considering my compositions for their concerts... I've thought over the weekend... You know... for the past 20 years I had in back of my head that I wanted to add strings and other instruments to my songs for recital... I did a digital composition with Andrew Drury called, Spirit Song, but...It wasn't until 2009 I performed my first songs for Soprano, Flute, Piano, and Cello, Owe.la' and Muse.  Although I just did them... I still have this inclination to do more and add at least violin and cello to my new art songs.  I've mostly written for piano and voice... experimented a lot for at least 25 years as a hobby... but I want to take this to another level.  I believe that it never hurts to try... So this year I feel my 2011 theme is "Why Not?!?"  Sometimes classical musicians can be so harsh with criticism... not like I've never been criticized before!  But I have also had some wonderful support...a flip side to every coin!  I have to say though.... I think no matter what you do in your life... if you keep good thoughts, optimistic, work real hard, and full of life there will be someone that will appreciate that.  I think it becomes infectious actually!  So I will keep the enthusiasm going... Write my music and perform my 21st Century Art Songs for my recitals and start adding more instruments to my compositions as we go a long.  I'm having so much fun... Why Not?!?  :)      

January 24, 2011

Song Writing Surge:  Singing because I love it!

I have been experiencing a Song Writing Surge this Fall/Winter.  In the mean time, I was battling a horrible cold... while giving my throat time to heal... I have to say I've been blessed with writing a lot of music from art songs for my recitals, to my recent small chamber piece called Quest, to writing short songs for a children's choir, to my recent song that I wrote this weekend that is untitled and has a Bluesy sound which is not typical of my singing style or composition.  Have to say the song writing exploration in the past three years in particular has been very rewarding and shedding a new light in my life.  Fortunately I'm also performing them which is a major perk!  

When I was in high school I played piano and because I didn't get the formal training that most pianists get I got frustrated with my ability of playing piano.  LOL  Through my frustration I managed to teach myself how to play and through that I discovered I could write my own music.  I can't say it was a dream because I never thought I would ever get to the point with my compositions to a level of performing them-looked at it as a hobby that really made me happy. I later discovered that I had potential to sing... again can't say I thought I could really do anything with it... but it certainly was something I loved doing.  May be the realist in me.  Ha ha!  Of course most people that like singing would love to see themselves be successful at it!  I simply did it because I loved it.  I still do... and always striving to sing the best I can.  Why I travel all over to work with some great teachers-It is well worth it... fortunately my vocal coach lives half an hour away, so that helps.  So my wonderful teachers are helping me do what I love doing...and planting seeds in my mind.  :)

I'm currently coaching a young singer myself, and to be honest... I don't want her to sing any songs at this point unless she absolutely loves singing them.  From my own personal experience the best way to discourage or frustrate a student is give them repertoire they don't love singing!  I hope my philosophy of singing for my student puts a seed in her mind that she will keep doing what she loves... What ever it may be.  :) 

There is this philosophy... Do what you love, focus, work real hard, and everything that is meant to be will follow-it dove tails per say.  All this time as many directions I may have went from a painter, poet, to a song writer, to a potter, to a singer etc... I was doing everything I loved all a long.  20 years later it seems to be coming together and I feel I'm on the right track.  Hard work, focusing, training, and listening to your internal song and wisdom really does pay off.  Everyone has their own voice-they need to listen to it! 

I recently received an invitation to sing and perform 2-3 of my original works for a professional 6 piece Chamber ensemble in Nashville, TN.  I have to say that I'm still in shock... to me, I am so honored for this opportunity and feel I am on the right track in regards to the direction(s) I'm going with my compositions and singing.  I am so grateful and I can't really express how I feel about this... beyond elated... I'm speechless!  But when it hits me... I know I will cry.  Never thought I would do something like this-I feel blessed. Here I am now... I'm performing my original compositions in concerts and my 21 years of voice lessons and hard work is paying off.  There has to be a break through or a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction through working towards something.  Doesn't mean one has to be famous... but if you do what you love-that really makes you happy... and get professional opportunities, you were on track all along.  I count my blessings... 

On that note... "Love."  Happy Valentines Day!  Although I don't have a special Valentines currently in my life... I love the holiday!  So for now... I'm in LOVE with my music and enjoying my life!  :)          

February 14, 2011

Balancing Act:  Art, Music, Life...

I have been trying to step back and assess where I am at, what I need to do, and where I want to be in the next 5 -10 years realistically.  I have to say I get flashes in my head of a million things... than I try to evaluate what I am doing today and what I need to do in the next three months.  For a moment I almost got overwhelmed... than it crossed my mind I need to take everything at stride... one step at a time.  But prioritize... prioritize... and prioritize.   

I'm a full-time Executive Assistant and the remaining time is balancing my Art and Music in my life-including people in my life!  Although it appears to be too many irons in the fire I have to say if you really love what you do you can make it work.  I found that prioritizing your life is the key.  Since I'm around the clock busy 85% of the time-I don't have time to waste time, especially when I have scheduled performances, art exhibits, and various Art demonstrations and workshops, rehearsals, and composing music...not to mention promoting my work either on my website, booths, and building networks.  Being an artist and musician is a committment to say the least-but I love what I do!

Finally my family and friends understand for the most part why I am lucky to have time to visit really... But I put a special effort to establish "Quality," time with my family and friends.  No matter how busy I am I have to add an additional important part of my life and that is spending special time with important people in my life.  I especially enjoy time with my nieces and nephews-I have 34 of them and they remind me to enjoy life and take it one day at a time.  I have to say my nieces and nephews inspire me in many ways... Youth in general inspire me.  I think about how my art and music can generate a positive influence... vibration on other people's lives.  Our youth are our future leaders and the leaders today...Adults of today need to remind themselves that our youth is looking at us for inspiration and guidance.  We impact our future by the things we say and do-I try to be mindful of that.  I am currently writing music for the Oneida Nation Arts Progam Children's Choir; incorporating the Oneida language or English with classical or contemporary music.  With this current project I'm having so much fun writing positive lyrics for our Oneida youth.  Music and Art can be a very powerful tool-so I'm hoping to use my talents to help children appreciate music and experience all the wonderful gifts it has to share with others-even in a small way.  Our youth need positive environments and activities... I am sure getting a kick out of writing music for them and we'll see how they/I fair!  :) 

I have many family and friends asking me, "Do you do your art and music all the time?"  I get asked that a lot or they wonder how I can fit it in my schedule.  It never fails and its kind of funny sometimes because I get teased a lot about having so many interests; singing, composing, painting, pottery, and even creative writing.  I recently told a friend that I don't do everything all at once!  I pace myself, it is a balancing act... and I have to priorititze my "Creative, " projects per say.  Not to mention... I get these creative surges or ideas and will be very passionate about it until its finished than I move on to another project.  I learned the hard way to give myself assignments and deadlines...I trick myself and call them "Projects!"  Everyone knows that projects have an objective and a DEADLINE!  LOL... or I would be all over the place with pipe dreams and not getting anything done.  On the other hand, all my creative endeavors for the most part come in phases...like a cycle.  So no I'm not doing everything in one day!  LOL... but almost sometimes-organize my day-putting time a side for what ever I need to do.  So the joke that came out of a recent conversation is... I have a Creative Wheel and each day I'll spin it and what ever the arrow lands on, I'll work on a project in that area.  LOL...  Oh, to be so simple-I wish!  But it would be fun to design one as a joke because I have so many interests and love the arts... the good part is, if I had a Creative Wheel... no matter what Medium (Singing, composing, Painting, Pottery, and Poetry) the arrow landed on, I would be happy no matter what! ; )  I'll let you in on a little secret:  Creative people in many ways have it good-we primarily get to be Big Kids in essence!  Bring out our colors and we are elated! ; )  Being an artist for me is pretty much play time and the world is my playground!  LOL...  No matter how old we get we need to get in touch with our Creative Selves... Life to me is made of pure creativity-the life source!  We can't live without it... :)  The gift to create...

Being an Artist in combination with a singer and composer...my life certainly is a balancing act; but no matter what I am doing, I have to stay focused, have goals, and most of all... I need to add to my creative life scales... to take care of my body-mentally, emotionally, phyiscally, and spiritually...and I need to make time for some down time to spend with special people in my life.  I always tell myself... "I can paint a thousand paintings and sing a thousand songs, but what good are they if I don't share them with others?"  Sure I share my art and music but I also make time to just be me... I need that.  I need to sometimes not to think about my art or music-I need down time to regenerate my creativity.  Being a reclusive artist for me would never work... because my inspiration as an artist and musician doesn't stem from me, it stems from the world around me...the human experience.  The true source... I am just the artist. :)  Being busy, striving for your goals, and becoming the best that you can become is important... but so are the people in your life.   My family and friends inspire me in my art and music.  To me Art and Music is simply a form of expression that stems out from the human experience...  

On another note...My Mother was part Irish... So Happy St. Patricks Day coming soon!  :)

 

March 14, 2011

Focus...Focus...Focus...

I was telling my friends... if you want me to do anything with my spare time... ask me before April, because after April I'm going to be one busy woman!  Well it is now April 16 and I gurantee my schedule will kick in God Speed from now to September!  I have various things to focus on;  FNCI Guest Soprano Soloist, May 21, MacPhail Center For Music, Minneapolis, MN, Promega Corporation, "Wisconsin Artists In Wisconsin," June 14, plus sing for the reception, Cutural Days, Oneida Museum, June 30, pottery workshops for K-Adult, Primary Elections for the Oneida Business Committee May 7, Official Elections, July 16, and the Woodland Indian Market July 2 coming up quick... not to mention I do a lot of booths, Pottery demonstrations, and workshops during the summer. 

It is a busy time... but a good time, because I'm doing what I love... singing, painting, making pottery, teaching, and working with my community.  Although I love all of this...I have to really hone in here and focus...focus...focus.  Not to mention I have to rehearse and work on various songs as well.   My music espeically is always an on-going discipline, that is why I love it so much... of course I love the beauty of music, the wonderful feelings it gives me inside, even sharing with others-making them feel good... but I love the discipline that Classical music gives me.  I like the challenges of it...there is always something to strive for and work on.  I never get bored!  I truly feel that focusing is they key to success...better yet to a happy life.  :)  You focus on the good things in life and it will come back to you in tenfold!   

I have a lot on my mind right now... But the best part is... I'm focusing on some wonderful opportunities and future experiences, not to mention I'm giving back to my community too.  Each experience is a stepping stone in our life's path... I have a lot of work to do but I'm in a good frame of mind and look forward to embracing each opportunity and making the most of every experience.

Back to the drawing board... it's time to really get focused!  :)  

On that note... Nothing in life comes for free... if you want something, focus on your goal, collect the resources you need to make it possible, and work real hard.  No goal is worth striving for unless you put your 100% into it.       

April 16, 2011

Counting My Blessings...

I am sitting at Sven's Cafe in Milwaukee right now thinking today would be a good day to recap May.  It has been quite eventful and I always try to make note and count my blessings.  Some of my family and friends know that I managed to get Pertussis in January and I've been fighting for my health not to mention because I'm a singer-I need a healthy voice!  On May 21, 2011 I performed publicly for the first time since October and I am so happy!  It felt great after suffering from three months of laryngitis-a singer's nightmare.  I was praying, trying to take my vitamins, get some rest, and focus.  I was scheduled to perform at the MacPhail Center for Music and this was not just a bit intimidating... but also my first time singing in Minneapolis, MN.  My biggest concern was I would end up with a sore throat and not able to demonstrate my vocal abilities to this new audience.  I was in good spirits, my throat was in good shape, I said a prayer, and sang my heart out.  This was my opportunity to show what I was made of...so I took a deep breath and just soared through my music. I received a standing ovation!  LOL... I was just so happy to sing!  Felt like I was in vocal solitary confinement too long!  Oddly enough I was nervous during my rehearsal with the pianist but as soon I was on stage I felt great...  I  feel real good right now and grateful for the blessings I receive in so many forms...1 my health, 2 the support from my family, friends, and fans, and 3 to have the ability to sing, compose music, and 4 the wonderful opportunities the universe has gifted me. 

I am also counting my blessings that I was able to drive from Minneapolis to Miwaukee during yesterday's terrible storms.  I was driving and my sister was in the car...I was nervous because she has 4 kids and a husband.  We missed one tornado that crossed the highway an hour in front of us and there was a storm following us to Milwaukee.  We pulled into Milwaukee about 9:30 last night...although raining, I was so happy.  Her husband and kids were waiting for her, they cleaned the house, and had dinner ready.  It was kind of amusing in one sense that my sister and me (Thelma and Louise) were litterally in between two storms and didn't get a scratch!  On our way to Minneapolis we saw a white deer...I just had that sense that we were going to have a good trip and we did! 

I count my blessings... had a successful concert ending with a standing ovation, made some good contacts, my family came to support me, and most importantly... had a safe and fun journey!  :) Life is good...

May 23, 2011

June Brings Challenges and Gifts...

The month of June has been extremely busy with both my art and music, work, and life in general.  On June 14 entered my art in an Exhibit in Madison and sang for the reception, although I appreciate the opportunity it was a bit much for me.  Preparing both music and art for the same event...but I did it and made some good contacts and new friends.  Although had to bite the bullet there for a moment or two... and bite my tongue.  I've been traveling a bit and have to say that I bump into musicians that are rude and I don't understand that.  I love music so much and enjoy singing for people and the sarcastic remarks in rehearsals are really unecessary but seem to bump into that a lot.  To be honest... I love to perform with people and meet new musicians but could really do without the extra commentary.   Each experience I have I try to hold valuable yet I'm learning some valuable lessons fast.  I need a pianist that can travel with me, someone that knows the repertoire I sing, and we mesh with each other musically.  I can deal with various personalities but finding musicians where you speak the same language and create music together that makes you feel great is kind of hard sometimes.  I'm just too nice sometimes and I end up in situations that you would love to avoid.  Soo now I have to be a big meanie and demand professional pianists... going through all the stress of one rehearsal and than performing soon after is very challenging... just not worth it to me anymore.  I'm too busy, a respectable musician, and need to take care of myself.  My vocal coach and I have had a long talk about this and she is also very concerned who my pianists are.  It can be a mess if you don't click and more added stress than one needs.  I've just have been having various experiences in this territory and have to rethink my game plan here.  I love people and music and want to keep it that way!  LOL... :)  Its all good... I just have to be more strict about what kind of pianist that I perform with and need to think of how to express that with out being offensive...strictly professional.  Than I don't have to worry and can do what I do best...the best I can of course.  Soooo..... this has been a big concern for me and on my mind.  I'll have to pray on this one that I have lovely pianists cross my path that we are insync and create  lovely music together.  :)  I have some in my life but not all can travel with me... I wish they could! ; )

In spite of how busy I am... I managed to bring home a new furry friend... I have a new dog named Shadow.  He's a white husky and I just adore him.  Amongst all my worries in June... I was blessed with a new dog and he's looks like mydog Georgia's carbon copy and they are doing great.  I am going to finish this entry on a positive note... my plate was full in June and it really tested my ability to manage my time at moments but I got through it.  On June 23 I received a phone call I could bring home this honey of a dog and it really erased any type of frustration or struggle I may have been experiencing.  Shadow has really added a new good energy in my life.  He's so good natured, real mellow, and sweet that when I'm around him he calms my soul.  My baby Georgia is really funny, extremely smart, and even commical sometimes... they both balance each other out plus I don't have to worry about Georgia being by herself when I'm at work.  She really needs to be socialized and they are both doing great.  Gorgeous animals and soo good!  I love them.  :) 

Sooo with some challenges and some life's lessons... there are gifts.  In June I received an insite about myself that I simply need to demand professional pianists, no offense to anyone because I'm very sensitive to people but it gets me in trouble and in awkward situations... but I have to do it, even my vocal coach says I have to!  And... my gifts is my growth through every experience and my dogs and gardens that make me so happy!  :)  My sister and her kids were at my house and fell in love with the dogs... I even took them to the pet shop and people swarmed around them and even a 2 year old walked up to Shadow and wrapped her arms around him.... she said, "Mine."  My dogs are great with kids and so much fun... surprisingly I'm able to walk them both and they are doing great.  What a wonderful addition to my life!  :) 

On that note... where there are challenges there are gifts right around the corner!  :)

June 30, 2011

Water Lily Significant Meaning To Me:

The month of July was another extremely busy time for me...my Schedule back to back with work, my art, music, and for the first time campaigning for the Oneida Business Committee.  I was and am happy with what ever life gives to me and always strive to make the most of it.  I've learned continuously in my life that everything happens for a reason, in good timing, and when it appears one door closes... be paitent and keep yourself open to other opportunities around the corner.  A philosophy that my parents raised me on... which I am so grateful for my parents.  Good words to live by. 

So here I am today... with a good attitude, the best I can.  Reflecting that no matter what happens... take life at stride, trust I'm right where I am suppose to be, and to always count my blessings.  I have to remind my family and friends that... my solitude sometimes makes them feel nervous, but my solitude is my peace of mind.  Gives me the time I need to focus on what is really important in my life and helps me to focus on reaching another level with my music, art, and the kind of person I strive to become. 

I think it was about 10 years ago I had a dream about a man that glowed in light blue light.  It appears that he was like a Medicine man(Native American Culture-A Holy Person)... I couldn't see what his clothes looked like because all I remember was that he glowed.  He talked to me for a long time and what I remember was that he said I was different from most people.  When I was born, I was born a full Lotus.  That most people are born a leaf or a petal.  He said that only a Full Lotus would understand me and that is why I was different than others.  I'm sharing this story of the Lotus not because I think I am one-this was simply a dream.  But I wanted to share how I woke up one morning and looked out the window and saw a beautiful Water Lily in my pond.  I've always had a love for water lilies or lotus flowers.  I was so happy that I went outside with my camera and took pictures of it.  I know its just a flower and to others no big deal... but it was awestruck...just gorgeous!  

Soon after I was admiring it... I remembered the dream I had about the Lotus.  It than struck my curiosity so I went on-line and searched, "Water Lily meaning." This website popped up... about the Water Lily and Lotus flower and said:  "Water Lily the Lotus flower is symbolic of rebirth, but in addition to its religious meaning, the lotus is also a symbol of all that is true, good and beautiful, representing good fortune, peace and enlightenment....As the lotus flower grows up from the mud into an object of great beauty, people also grow and change into something more beautiful. So the symbol represents the struggle of life at its most basic form.  Lotus flower symbols are also popular for people who have gone through a hard time and are now coming out of it. Like the flower they have been at the bottom in the muddy pond, but have risen above this to be an object of beauty or represent a life of beauty as the case might be. Thus a lotus flower or blossom can also represent a hard time in life that has been overcome." http://ladymaggic.podomatic.com/entry/2008-05-25T03_23_02-07_00

After I read this meaning it really hit home with me and I don't think I would have appreciated it as much today now that I am 38 years old and planted this water lily myself and knew the chances for a bloom were slim.  I'm older now and I feel the reason I wouldn't have appreciated it as much is because... my state of mind is much different now.  I certainly have had some struggles in my life, everyone does-that is life!  I just find it lovely that is how I feel naturally without reading a book...that you strive to bring something beautiful out of your life no matter what you are struggling with or what your struggles once were.  I know I'm like that... my family, friends, even strangers may think that is cheesy of me.  But it is really true... I truly love the beauty in the world-it inspires me!  I feel strongly that if there is anything I contribute to the world, to my community, family and friends is something good...and with my art, music, creative writing, and creative expression that I strive to the highest level of aesthetics, beauty, inspiration, and good feelings that I can.  I find it very interesting that I have that in my subconscious anyways...

All I can say is... the beautiful water lily that blessed me in the month of July ends up being a blessing, and insight, and gift in my eyes.  Because if it didn't come into my life... I don't think I would have looked up it's meaning.  I was even given a story not too long ago called the Water Lily, that is an Oneida legend.  The water lily has been on my mind and makes me feel good. 

I don't talk about religions... but I certainly talk about various philosophies and experiences in my life that I think are worth making note.  Who knows... maybe someone out there can relate! 

Isn't that what a good life should be about... Rising above the muddy waters and striving to make the most of your life?  Striving to make something good...even when you feel that you may be surrounded with bad.  I always say that every experience is like a phase.  It has its cycle and it will wear out in time and than you move on to the next life's experience...stepping stone.  I don't talk about some of my life's experiences.  Only when people say..."You have it so good.  You are sooo lucky!"  I have to laugh to myself..."boy if you only knew my true story."  Everyone has one so its good to just know that it isn't really about how rough you had it-it is about the choices you make and know that people have the gift of choice.  I talked to a teenager and said, "Life is what you make it.  You have two choices how to handle every situation... a good one or a bad one." 

Another philosophy I have...and something I really think we need to gift to our children, is we need to work hard for what is important to us and strive to be outstanding individuals in our communitities.  I think a lot people lose touch with that and even famous people do.  They forget they have a million children looking up to them-their choices also impact people.  My parents raised me on the philosophy that you work hard and you earn things in an honest way.  I have to say... I will take that with me to my grave.  I call it my Turtle and Hare story... I choose to be the Turtle and plod a long and strive to make good decisions, work hard, and it doesn't matter if I take first place.  Some people take the easy way out and think there will be great rewards.  I can live with myself and what matters is I'm right where I am suppose to be, that I reap what I sow, and life truly is what you make it.  But you have to be honest with yourself... or it doesn't work!  LOL...  

On that note... Yes, I have had my struggles in my life.  But I don't forget to "grow through" every experience.  :)  So my new life symbol is the water lily... not only because it is beautiful but it symbolizes the type of person I strive to be.  A person that can grow through every experience like a pheonix-the best I can.  Something I want us adults to share with our children... so they can also strive to contribute beauty in this world.  ; ) 

My water lily from my pond.  ~ Jennifer

July 31, 2011

The True Art of Art Songs:

Art songs, oratorio, and opera arias for any classical singer, easily leaves a lasting impression in our whole being especially after 20 years of singing them.  My creative journey has and still does lead me in various directions, but my true love is music and always has been.  20 years ago I didn't know I could sing and certainly didn't know if I would ever be singing on stages throughout the country.  I sometimes think life's wonderful surprises sometimes need to be uniquely appreciated because when they present themselves to you...you can embrace them and really enjoy them.  I just told a friend who asked me about my successes in my life... coming from him who is very successful I can't help but answer with humility.  So I told him I may have baby stepping stones comparing to some people's success ladder... but each stone I really appreciate!  He's a good friend and a huge compliment he sees a successful person in me.  It feels like you are a little girl and each milestone feels like Christmas to your soul!  That was hard for me to answer because for one my friend's success is superior in my eyes... and I think in terms of working on my music and art goals as a way to reach inside my soul and give me a life's purpose.  That is where I find my passion and my muse...never been one to strive for goals in my creative endeavors for feathers in my cap and to replenish my Ego.  Always been to feed my heart, mind, and soul and always will be.    

Life has not been a bowl of cherries, I haven't been fed with a silver spoon, and sometimes I look back at the path I tread to get me where I am today... I have to say I'm like... How did I end up here?  How did I get through this and that?  Sometimes I just laugh or have a mental chuckle...That was some craziness where most people would have fell apart.  Life is funny...and I count my blessings I have not lost my sense of humor.  I tell my family and friends I am a survivor.  Probably think I am just being dramatic about this whole life experience thing... but it is true.  To me life is a miracle if you can survive through it and I'm turning 39, September 22.... I remember being 9 years old not be able to comprehend living this long! 

What does my life have to do with an art song?  It has everything to do with an art song and how I search inside myself to be able to express the song.  Due to not studying composition in college, teaching myself how to compose...what better resources to tap into than your own life's experiences or own creative vessel...your imagination?  I am leaning towards a concert recitalist and since I do 1-2 recitals a year I research standard repertoire for my performances like most classical singers do.  So singing art songs is something that is just part of preparing for a classical recital.  Not like I'm trying to specialize in Art Songs... it is more or less I NEED them for my performances-It is a necessity.  What is a Jazz singer without a Jazz song...? 

20 years ago I never imagined myself writing art songs and performing them in concert halls.  LOL... If I told people that I would do that someday they probably would think I am nuts because I tell people now and they think I am let’s say... stretching the truth-bit of a stretch of my imagination.  Even I feel like I'm telling lies...hard for me to comprehend, still in shock.  LOL...  Well until they see it on my programs and hear it themselves.  LOL... Let’s be honest here...how many sopranos can play piano much less compose songs for their own concerts?  Not trying to pick on Sopranos... :) Any singer for that matter, especially classical singers!  Why people sometimes question…just not common practice, but there are some out there! ; )

I never thought I would write music and perform it... but now it is slowly hitting me that just may be one of my purposes in this life time.  My singing and composing has lately come hand in hand... almost like they can't exist without the other. I never expected that experience to happen to me.  I wasn’t the kid that got piano lessons every Saturday for 15 years...I had that for 2 years starting at 8 years old, after that I had to take the little training I had and expand from that the best I could.  I didn't understand my fascination and even sometimes obsession with playing piano.  I kept playing for hours almost every day but didn't know where I was going.  I just experienced a sense of calmness... I could be filled with a room of chaos…but if I had my piano I could disappear into this beautiful gift called music.  I think sometimes my piano was my window to my soul and through music I have been able to discover a lot of who I am and the person I was destined to be.  I'm not a concert pianist but I am a pianist... It makes sense now.  I was destined to experience all that I have to prepare me for a creative direction that I never thought I would…And my life’s story is still being written. I just think that sometimes there is a internal song inside of each of us... a direction to guide us in our lives.  Even when it makes no sense at the time and a million people tell you that your song is a mirage...you have to listen to it because I firmly believe that is your message from the universe that is your "Calling."  I listened... kept playing, composing, and singing-I'm glad I did and glad I have that connection to listen to the hint of my destiny will unveil someday. 

Life has many surprises... never thought I would become an Iroquois Master potter either...didn't even know Oneidas made pottery.  It is the same thing with my singing and my composing...where today they have become a major part of my life.  I wanted to touch on a bit on my life and how I ended up composing art songs for my recitals.  I think many of my family and friends...and new encounters are puzzled by that.  And... I'm still in the stage of my life where some people question if they are my original compositions, and I should be nailed for not citing my sources.  LOL... Put me in a room with a piano, a supply of paper, erasers, pens and pencils, and I can prove to you that I can write you an art song for your recital.  

My experience of art songs... many of them are actually simple melodies and the accompaniment is written to support the singer.  Written for the singer to take the melody and make it their own with the exception they are respecting the composer’s art, so essentially the singer is displaying their own art in song.  Since I've been singing them for so long...like I said...it becomes a huge part of your being.  With this in mind... being a singer and composer it is actually easy for me to write for a singer and been told my piano parts are pianist friendly although I love to write in A minor and with a lot of triplets for some reason.  I see the perspective of the pianist and the singer... it helps to be able to sing them too!  LOL... I usually can hear if a song sounds good or not and refuse to sing them until they are pleasing to my own ear, than my next step rehearse them with a pianist... I have to have a pianist test them out.  Most pianists are blatantly honest and you need to hear their perspective too.  Being a singer, artist, or even a composer... it takes a lot of courage because people will respond to you in an array of ways.  But you need to discern what is helpful to you...what will develop the song you wrote to the level you are striving for.  Many of times I'll write a song but there is a section that hasn't come to me, and I'll put it on a shelf for a while,  and years later, pull it out and think... Oh, yah!  I better finish that.  Then I complete it and it sounds sooo much better than if I would have worked it to death and ruined it.  You have to know when to quit and move on, I find it very beneficial...creativity is not on a time clock.  You learn to flow with it real quick. 

My recent art song is called, "Celestial Skies" and it is almost done.  I'm planning on performing it at my concert at the Meyer Theatre on April 24, 2012.  I was inspired by my culture...in the Oneida culture we have a symbol that is shaped like an arch and we call them sky domes.  The sky domes represent the heavens where the tree of life is-in the sky...our celestial tree or tree of peace.  I was thinking about that symbol and how beautiful the concept was and how inspirational it could be.  So I sat on the piano and was literally thinking..."I want to sing to the celestial skies."  I played with the words and it metamorphoses into..."I'm singing to the celestial skies; where my ancestors sing and songs are born; above the clouds and through the storms-only where the Eagles fly."  (copyright © Jennifer M Stevens 2012) The lyrics and piano accompaniment was very fluid...I didn't struggle too much to make it work together.  I have to say I enjoy singing songs I write... but I feel this is probably one of my favorites.  It has all the characteristics of a basic art song...just has a little bit of my Oneida theme, but anyone can sing it in essence.  That is one thing that is beautiful about music... it is a universal language!  :)          

To me the true art of art songs stems from the human experience...if you are a singer or a composer.  No matter what nationality you are or what language you are singing in, everyone is able to relate to them on various levels.  I'm not a composition major; no one taught me how to write art songs much less write lyrics.  Lyrics especially...it is one of those things you either have an ability or you don't.  I count my blessings and very fortunate that I can write either music or lyrics because it is very difficult to combine them no matter how talented you are or how much training you received.  What is most important is that you enjoy yourself…you love what you do!   

August 31, 2011

Autumn Songs-A Higher Vibration:

September is one of my favorite times of the year...especially since it is my birthday month but also the start of fall which I feel is such a lovely season.  This is the time when many artists start coming inside, settling, and start their season of creativity.  I don't know about other artists but winter is the time when I really want to take my mind off the bitter cold so I let my imagination soar.  Although September it's self is a very reflective time always has been...it is the time I look at where I have been, where I am today, and where I would like to be tomorrow. 

The leaves haven't changed yet but they are soon on their way... I wrote a song called Owe.la' (Oh-way-la) in 2009 and what my inspiration was-a gold maple leaf caught between the corner of my house.  It had a rhythm...like it swayed back and forth and would swing back up, then swayed back and forth and swing back up-the wind brought it to life.  I was cold, feeling very reflective that day on my life and the leaf really caught my eye.  I learned something about it... that everything in life has rhythm...motion.  I was thinking about that and the psychology of people...or our human nature.  People are also kinetic energy and what better way to live your life than to live with vibrant energy-on a higher vibration.  I observe people sometimes and it seems they are living on automatic pilot and they forget to live their life with vibrancy.  Even I get stagnant sometimes and when I get like that I look for inspiration...a muse to give me a kick start to live my life fully again. 

I found that my music and my art is my spring board to living my life on a higher vibration in every possible way.  I always tell my family and friends that you can never go wrong with art and music because it always makes you feel good.  I feel that music and art in many instances has been my guide, my mentor, my friend, and solace-peace of mind.  My saving grace in many instances too. 

Now that autumn is almost here... I feel this sense that I'll start getting settled in my home, my creative room and start focusing on my songs for my concerts more and my new songs that will come to me.  I have this idea to write a song called, "The Leaves Are Dancing," or "The Trees Are Dancing," but haven't figured out how it will go.  Just thought it was a beautiful title... I look outside often and noticed trees are never still...is that why they call them the symbol of life-the tree of life?  Nature is truly amazing to me... it blows my mind how perfect it is in every possible way.  People like leaves... in motion and in sync with the tree of life.  Leaves like people...every single one unique and part of the landscape of the world.  Leaves and trees like me... I want to be in motion, growing, and living. 

I will be celebrating my 39th birthday next week and I feel pretty good.  Most people feel it is a taboo to tell people your age... I think it is wonderful... every age is good.  It is not really your age that matters it is what you do with your life, and what you contribute to the world every day.

May autumn songs fill my mind, heart, and soul, and be my season’s greatest joy!  To another good year of prosperity, good health, happiness, and wisdom to understand! 

 

My September birthday bonus journal entry... Enjoy... :)

 

Living Examples Through the Arts:

by Jennifer Stevens

There has never been a manual of expectations carved in stone to define rules, much less outline the parameters of an artist’s canvas of expression.  Art can’t be defined, limited, and perfectly catalogued on an individual’s expectations; not to mention, any true artist would ever use their freedom of expression to strive to harm another person, much less another’s reputation and character-most strive to contribute positive change in the world or simply demonstrating an aesthetic existence.  May be why many say; “Each is their own,” “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” and “Freedom of expression?”

 

Art is limitless and bountiful; why it is one of life’s greatest inspirations and gifts to humanity.  True art and the greatest art of any medium are not expressed solely from an individual but through a rich joint collective of all human kind. I support all nationalities, faiths, and genders in the arts; everyone has a place in this world.  The arts have always been a sacred ground for people of all walks of life, genders, race, and artistic mediums to have permission to truly be themselves.  We are all in this world together and what better place to work through our differences than through the arts.  Art is bigger than us; why not create through joint collectives-breaking grounds for our future generations?  Art of any form is not about nationality; when we can get past that mentality than we can start delving into something bigger than ourselves-rich, authentic, and true to the human spirit. 

 

Communities need to strive to work together and look beyond ourselves-see the bigger picture.  Through education and communication people of all nationalities, faiths, genders, and all art forms-we can learn and grow from each other; which inevitably creates a grander works of art touching all of humanity.  It is not of my nature to base my perspectives of others on their nationality and can only derive an observation on one’s individual personality on personal experience.   In my mind, “Race” does not make a human being…it is their “character.”

 

I have great faith that our future generations will teach us older generations that there has to be a better approach to dealing with our differences.  We need to reach a level of compassion, love, and understanding at some point in time-400 years has been a long time.  Work together, learn from each other, and achieve excellence together!  I think it is about time that we recognize what we say and do impacts our children, our communities, and our world around us, and we need to take responsibility for that.  It is time we become living examples…so through each generation we can become a better world.  

September 17, 2011

The Power of the Arts for a Better World:

The arts of all forms in my eyes are a gift to humanity and art is a powerful tool!  Art can build our world a better place... Music can change our minds and touch our hearts.  Music and Art breaks through the hardest shells and reaches people's souls.  To me the arts has its own culture, and all cultures have standards... a Code of Ethics; this is something for artists and musicians to think about.  It is good to strive to hone your skills to reach your highest potential; To me that is okay but I encourage an artist to be more dynamic than that; find a bigger purpose for your creative gift.  Use your gifts to impact humanity... one song or one painting, or even a poem at a time.  Being the best singer and painter is nice...but be grander than that and use your gifts and share it to inspire others, most importantly share it to make a change in the world.

I'm a firm believer that the Creator didn't put a paint brush in a painter’s hands to just paint a self-portrait or put a music score in a singer’s hands to sing a lone in the shower.  People are given talents to be utilized.  In my eyes, artists can do great things for the world... furthermore, also by taking responsibility of how we conduct ourselves as individuals, and our creative outlets that we expose to our families and communities.  I encourage artists to strive for leaving lasting positive and inspirational impressions for our youth and future generations.

I think the good majority of the world thinks it is money that makes the world go around.  Or it is money that speaks volumes and changes the world. I believe that it is the Art of many forms such as; visual, music, dance, creative writing, photography, and film that changes the world.  Look at how many movies leave life long impressions on people.  Even songs...How many songs are saved in your memory since you were a child? If this is true...which I know it is.  Even the entertainment world, especially film and music industry has more influence and power on the world.  If that is so... I encourage all creative minds to take better control of the impressions and seeds we are planting in our children's minds.  Take responsibility for what messages we are striving to convey. The Arts is much more powerful than we give it credit.  Use the arts in every form to send a strong message in the world, that we want to touch humanity in a way that we can make changes leaps and bounds.  I've decided that even if I do in a small way... I found an internal goal that I want to utilize my God given gifts to strive for change in my communities, through my family and friends.  Music and Art is powerful, we can do great things with it but we have to take responsibility how we express ourselves. 

Communication is key, and it is one of the most powerful tools in the world... Artists are born communicators, yet some don't take responsibility for what they are communicating and banking on "Freedom of Expression."  All humans are responsible for their expressiveness if they are an artist or not.  To me... a true artist is one that is conscientious of their art form, what messages they are trying to convey, and takes responsibility for it.  Artists of all walks of life need to strive for excellence in not just skill but in their messages expressed to human kind. 

 

October 2011

The Meyer Theatre and Childhood Memories:

Last spring I was invited to sing at they Meyer Theatre of Green Bay by a woman that I seem to be seeing a lot lately during my performances.  I first met her officially when she came to my recital last year at the Oneida Museum and she came to hear me sing in October for the Italian Club.  I have various people tell me that she is a huge fan-since I have been getting to know her, being that I almost starting to see her on a regular basis.  :)  When I first met her she said that I sang from my heart-I will never forget that because what better place for a song to come from.  I take that as a huge compliment.  Her name is Billie Kress and I'm finding out from personal experience that she also gives from the heart in a big way to the Great Green Bay. 

After I was invited to perform at the Meyer Theatre I have to say a million thoughts was running through my head.  I remember when it was a movie theatre growing up and my Mother and I would go-I sometimes was more fascinated with the theatre than I was the movie.  I remember imagining opera singers.  I would ask my Mother a 100 questions and was adamant that it used to be a theatre because I could see performers on the stage...especially opera singers.  ;)

Billie told me she wanted my Dad and Grandmother to attend the performance that she would help me in any way she could.  It was such a lovely invitation any ways but I knew it would be almost impossible to get them there.  For one my father is in a Broda chair, which is very difficult to move, he's 79 years old and his health is deteriorating and secondly, I have my grandmother who is actually in better health than her son, but she's 101 years old and she's frail.  So I have to say that to make this possible was impossible for me to pull this all together without some help.  My other challenge was to get a family or close friend to sit with my disabled father and my 101 year old grandma.  I couldn't find anyone to sit with them so I asked my voice teacher and her husband.  They planned on coming to the concert anyways so they were my designated elder sitters. 

I sat in the dressing room waiting and waiting for a moment in my life that I never anticipated.  Kept getting flashbacks of myself sitting next to my Mother telling her that this stage used to have opera singers on it.  The Meyer Theatre was recently refurbished, thanks to the Kress family for striving to bring the Meyer Theatre back to life as a Theatre.  Today everyone knows about the Meyer Theatre-certainly notable. 

I was getting ready for the Starstruck concert that was to help fund-raise for the Meyer Theatre and I later found out to showcase local talent-local stars.  When I saw my name on the poster and it said local star, I have to say that I was still in disbelief.  I than had my first rehearsal/sound check and have to say it felt surreal.  And than... had to get ready to actually perform.  I sat in the dressing room and I have to say I tried to take my mind off of what makes me nervous so I just focused on my make up, my hair, and warming up when I could.  But my nerves would creep in once and a while.  I could hear my heart beating... actually feel my whole body pulsating.  I have to laugh at myself how I can put all these crazy thoughts in my head and really work myself into a frenzie.  So I did everything in my power to keep myself calm.  I also have to laugh because the tempo of my heart was actually the tempo I needed for my songs so the pounding actually became useful.  It helped to keep a consistent tempo oddly enough!  LOL...

It was finally time to sing.  I was sitting back stage knowing that I was a complete stranger to over 800 people in the audience, they never heard of me, never heard me sing, and I knew that this was not a rehearsal.  I had to put my best foot forward...that this was an opportunity and I needed to sing my heart out.  Not to mention I had five people in that audience that knew me, loved me, and wanted to support me and hear me sing.  My Dad, Grandmother, Billie Kress, and my voice teacher Maggie and her husband.  I was in good spirits and as soon as they announced... "Jennifer Stevens..." It felt like this vail was shed from me and I felt light from my worries.  I was in good spirits and walked on stage with a big smile... I can't explain why I had a permanent smile.  I believed because I never thought I would ever become an opera singer and I never knew that I would sing on that stage someday.  I kept thinking in my mind... I want to make Dad, Grandma, Billie and Maggie proud.  That really helped me overcome my horrible stage fright.  I still get flashbacks of myself growing up... a child that struggled with confidence and extremely shy.  I think that night helped me realize that I have come a long way... as soon as I was on stage it was like this light inside of me turned on and everything seemed okay-I felt safe.

I sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow and dedicated it to Billie Kress and finished off with the Italian aria, O mio babbino caro-it was the first opera aria I learned and have been  Puccini fan ever since.  I than walked off stage and people were coming at me left and right hugging me and shaking my hands-many of them that were strangers.  I kept feeling these chills running up and down my body while I was walking off the Meyer stage for about 5 minutes long.  I believe that was God letting me know... I did good and I was at the time and place...where I was meant to be.

I walked up to my Dad, Grandma, and voice teacher and all of them were beaming.  My grandmother kept saying that I did wonderful!  I thought she would be exhausted but she was wide a wake!  And my voice teacher Maggie's eyes sparkled and she was so proud.  My grandma wanted to celebrate so she took us all to dinner at 10:30p and when I was dropping her off she wanted my teacher Maggie and her husband to come in and visit-It was 12:30 in the morning!  Today she still keeps talking about my performance and what a wonderful job I did. 

I had a hard time finding someone to watch my Dad and Grandma and for some reason I couldn't get my immediate family to attend the concert-either lived too far or had other plans.  It was just not falling together.  But that night helped me realize that God gave me my Dad, grandmother, teacher-Maggie, and big supporter, Billie there.  I couldn't ask for anything better than that.  How many singers get the opportunity to bring their disabled father and 101 year old Grandmother to their concert?  I have to say... that I will never forget that Billie reached out to me to make that possible.  Singing at the Meyer Theatre was a dream come true, thanks to her invitation... but she made the night complete by making arrangements to have my Dad delivered.  No wonder why she can detect that I sing from my heart... because she has a big heart herself and she gives from hers as well. 

When I was a little girl or even a teenager, I never suspected to become a singer.  Although I loved music and my only outlet for music was I played piano-my piano was my God send in so many ways.  It has taken a lot for me to realize in the past 20 years that no matter what people say or do, no matter what...etc... I am destined to sing.  I am so grateful that I was steadfast because I had such a bizarre life in some instances.  Not a typical life for a singer.   Not to mention being one of the very few Native American classical singers-you certainly feel a lone sometimes.  But I have to say... something inside of me spoke so loud... I had to keep singing.  I had so many set backs including the death of my Mother and Grandparents, and my father having a stroke to name a few.  Truly not a traditional student and no matter how hard I tried my life was always detoured for some reason or another, but I kept singing, taking lessons, and I felt that was something I needed to do.  Although...to many it appears to be a pipe dream.  Not to mention, before my Mother passed away from lung cancer she told me I had a God given gift, I needed to use it, and she made me promise to keep singing and see how far I could go. I am certainly trying!

I am so grateful and excited for the opportunity to sing at the Meyer Theatre...will celebrate for a long time.  Thanks to Billie Kress for reaching out to me and truly making this evening possible for me.  I'll never forget that. 

Well... I will be performing at the Meyer Theatre again, April 24, 2011 at 6p.  I am so happy to get this opportunity to perform because in a sense it has really helped me prepare for my second milestone.  I am in good spirits and preparing for my next performance-this next one is going to be filmed, going to have Opera singer, Lawrence Harris, pianist, Renee Guerrero, and Lakota Flutist and Hoop dancer, Kevin Locke.  This is my big show!  Again...this feels surreal yet it is so real!  I have to get ready...5 months to prepare! 

I wanted to share this story about my recent experience because it certainly has touched me on so many levels...and I'll never forget it.  Too bad I couldn't have talked to that little girl a long time ago and tell her that she would become an opera singer and she would sing on the Meyer Theatre stage someday... I wonder if she would have believed me? ;)  

November 29, 2011

Documentary Project:  “The Lesson”

I have been thinking for the past week what I should write about to finish off the year 2011.  I thought it would be nice to write about a major project that I have been participating in.  Some of my family and friends know that I am being featured in a documentary produced by Eileen Littig and Dean Thomas from CESA 7/NEWIST.  Both of the producers are award winning and their focal point is primarily social issues, social change, and/or inspiration.  I vaguely talk about this project I have been involved with since April of 2009, for the most part is...I am being featured vs. being the producer.  Not to mention, I respect what Eileen and Dean are striving for.  I not only respect them for their years of dedicated beautiful works in documentaries...but also because of the forth right kind of people they are.  I would have never let a person put my story in their hands unless I had utmost respect for them and felt they had integrity, not to mention two very talented and well respected individuals. We have some more filming to do and our goal is to have things wrapped up by June 2012. It is such a pleasure to work with them.

I wanted to touch upon what has made this documentary possible.  In 2008 I started to participate in a social group called "International Gathering" here in Green Bay and we would meet once a month, have a pot luck, mingle, and have one cultural activity per gathering.  I have to say thanks to Stephen Perkins for hosting them-I wouldn't have met some of my dear friends today.  I made more friends in this group a month than I do on a regular basis throughout my life.  I've always been a person to appreciate learning about other people's cultures, philosophies, and languages, not to mention I've drawn many of times-International students as friends since high school.  I love cultural exchange to say the least; it is so beautiful and fascinating. 

To make a long story short, I met Eileen and David Littig...I can remember it so clearly the moment we connected.  We introduced ourselves, I gave her my business card, and as soon Eileen saw my last name was Stevens, she asked me if I was related to Ernie Stevens Sr.?  I said..."Yes, that is my father."  It is always fascinating for me to meet people that knew my Dad because he lived such an interesting life-I knew him as Dad vs. as a professional.  It turned out that David Littig worked with my father on a graduate program at UWGB and Eileen knew my dad in the 70s because she had him in one of her documentaries.  Small world…we are always reminded. Both Eileen and David were very good friends of my dad’s and that connection is what ignited our friendship ever since.  They are also huge fans of opera, so when they found out I was an operatic soprano they made sure to have me sing for them during our International Gatherings.  :)  One thing I will never forget is Eileen's facial expressions when I would sing... she would cry every time. 

Meeting Eileen was good timing-she is not just a producer in my life, she has become a dear friend and mentor.  I was doing some major assessments of my career goals and needed some direction in my life.  In September 2008 I was receiving some e-mails about my singing.  I won't get into too much detail here because I try to look at it as some of life's experiences...so what do you do?  Fall apart...or keep striving to do the best you can?  I can't speak for the individuals that sent me the e-mails but I can say that they all were primarily stating that I could never sing professionally and I wasn't a "Good singer," as one in particular stated.  I can take constructive criticism...how many singers never received criticism-good or bad?  You learn to roll with the punches, take what is useful for you, and move on.  I talked to my current voice teacher Margaret about the e-mails and she said, “What kind of person would say those things to a singer in the first place!?!”

There is that saying; “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!” that I always keep in the back of my mind-always helps me deal with life’s little and small knocks and blows.   My dad didn't raise a wimp here; in fact he would have raised holy hell if I let someone's view point get the best of me-chin up no matter what.  Not to mention... life has an array of experiences-for me I strive to take with me throughout my life what will be beneficial to me.  So if one person says, "You think you are better than what you are?" and one professor sarcastically tells her fellow faculty after I am done singing, "A big fish in a small sea?" Again, it is one of those puzzling situations...do you refer to as non-sense or beneficial?  Does a person’s view truly determine your value as a person or a singer?  What kinds of feedback do you take with you in your life and what do you leave on the way side?  I am mentioning this because singers no matter how tough they like to portray themselves, they are still human and still sensitive.  Some feedback especially when you are young can be very damaging to one's confidence and even goal direction, and career choices.  Singers get a lot of feedback but one of the best tools I have found is focus...focus...focus.  Don't let people distract you from your life's purpose.   

I always tell myself that people don't treat people the way they do because of what you said or did...it is the "kind," of person they are.  That has been a major lesson for me and I am sure that other singers can relate in their own way-everyone has their own experience and story.  I'm sharing this stuff "mildly," to give a hint of what other singers and I go through.  What is most important; you have to stay focused, don’t pay attention to what I call “people’s non-sense and baggage,” keep singing, strive for your goals, get the best mentoring as possible, and sing from your heart.  Fortunately, not all of my experiences have been pure torture-I’ve met some wonderful people in my life that counterbalance all the others-that is life!  Life is certainly a balancing act.

Pursuing a career in singing isn't all about reaching your dreams and you are all starry eyed for the rest of your life.  As much as I love singing, to be honest, it is not as glamorous as people think; like any discipline, It takes a lot of hard work, perseverance, focus, passion, and love.  It is like saying, "Soul-mates are happily ever after..."  Life is life... life is growth and change and strive to make the most of it.  In my eyes, it is very important that you develop very keen discernment skills.  After a while you learn very quick on how to be selective on whom you want to spend your time with-your time is also valuable especially if you are paying for your training.  

Life is short and not worth compromising your goals, dreams, and valuable relationships for individuals that are not honest and supportive, and not for your best interest.  I am a firm believer to embrace the special people in your life because you are going to need them-I know I do.  The world can be a doggie dog world no matter what career you are pursuing.  I experience that even as a potter-I’m a Master Instructor of Oneida pottery, and I have to deal with the same thing.  If you are a singer or not, you have to put your life in your own hands, take control of it, and you decide what is best for yourself. 

There is my favorite saying..."When one door closes, other doors of opportunity open," and I have to say.... that is so true in many aspects in my life, especially singing.  Sure, I have had some let downs, put downs, and side tracks, but I have also had some individuals that fought for me and believed in me.  Those are the type of people that everyone needs in their life-individuals that bring out the best in you.  I would have to say that Eileen Littig is most certainly one of my pillars of strength and boy does she fight for me. 

In essence, this documentary project has become a major growth experience for me on so many levels-many of times I can’t express in words how I feel.  Doesn’t it seem like sometimes when you are working on a project and you think your life is about the project, but the project ends up teaching you about life?  I sometimes zoom in and out of this documentary project from professional experience to life experience.  To be honest, it has been a major part of my life since April of 2009.  Ahhh, but I don’t tell my family and friends that.  LOL… I share bits and pieces many of times because so much has happened that I almost can’t keep up myself.  Eileen and I get some good laughs… our common saying is…”I can’t believe that just happened!” 

Here is an example; It all started out when I had the opportunity to study two weeks with Metropolitian opera singer, Sondra Kelly, dramatic mezzo.  I invited Eileen Littig to attend my lessons since she introduced me to Sondra through a friend.  Sondra not only gave me lessons, she was assisting me with my resume and suggested I list my experience for the past 5 years.  I talked to Eileen about it and laughed really hard… “I don’t have anything because I wasn’t singing!”  I took a 5 year break from singing and just started voice lessons in a studio in NYC for a year and half part time, but I didn’t have any performance experience since I was studying art, and recovering from the loss of my Mother and Grandparents.  I was getting contacted out of the blue to perform at major gigs in 2009-2011 such  as; A soloist at the Native American Music Awards and the Heard Museum in partnership with the Arizona Opera.  So now we joke that I can tell Sondra I can finally fill my once BARE resume. LOL…

One of Eileen’s goals is to get me exposure-she told me that she felt people needed to hear me sing.  For these opportunities to come before the documentary was completed and released, we were getting a kick out of it.  Yet these opportunities were perfect timing because then Eileen and Dean had something to film!  This has certainly been an adventure and never a dull moment!  Fortunately Eileen, Dean, and I get a long really well-I count my blessings!

In August I was informed that Wisconsin Public Television has accepted our project.  This was certainly one of Eileen’s and Dean’s goals but from what I understand, with the budget and this being WPT, it is very difficult to get your projects accepted.  Eileen explained that WPT liked the documentary because I am Native American from Wisconsin and I am an operatic soprano pursuing a professional career in singing-it is a story that is not told very often.  Not to mention what initially inspired this project was Sondra Kelly, a Metropolitan opera singer came to Green Bay to give me two weeks of voice lessons, again a story you don’t hear very often.

The past 3 months, Eileen and I have been very busy, especially since we have Wisconsin Public Television on board and they wanted a concert filmed.  We did some brainstorming and strived to look for performers that we felt would be a good fit for the project on various levels, not just because they are talented.  You have to look for people that are going to be on the same wave length as you, understand what you are striving for, and want to support it.  

I was researching potential musicians-the producers wanted a well known Native American instrumentalist that I could perform with.  We first thought guitar would be good than we felt Native American Flute would be better.  I met Kevin Locke, Lakota Flutist and Hoop Dancer in Minneapolis in May at the MacPhail Center-we both were performing and had the chance to hear each other.  I instantly liked his attitude, his demeanor, knowledge, and sense of humor.  I read up his accomplishments and found that he is a huge advocate for education and Lakota language and traditional flute preservation.  I also came upon a Native American opera singer on-line.  I know of or know most of them and thought maybe there is another one out there.  Lawrence Harris’, name came up and I almost fell off my seat-they are really hard to find especially at the prime of their career!  Not only was he Native American and a fantastic opera singer, he has a very interesting story.  Lawrence Harris was a former professional football player for the Houston Oilers, is 6’5 and 275 pounds.  I told Eileen Littig and Dean Thomas about him and we added him on our wish list!  We weren’t sure if either musician would be available or want to participate in our project.  I told Eileen I would contact them and see if they would be interested, my famous saying to her is, “It doesn’t hurt to ask!”  Our dream came true and then some… both Kevin Locke and Lawrence Harris, plus his wife, Renee Guerrero, a concert pianist from the Westchester Music Conservatory wanted to get on board.  Again, Eileen and I were laughing and saying… “I can’t believe that just happened!”  All three artists are very supportive of our project and we look forward to working with them. 

We felt good with our decisions and moved forward to go with Kevin Locke, a Lakota Flutist and hoop dancer, and Lawrence Harris, a former professional linemen and opera singer.  You can find a Native American Flutist, but you don't always get world renowned ones, so we are very grateful for Kevin Locke to want to participate in this project.  And... You can always find opera singers worldwide... but it is a one in a million chance you will find an opera singer with Native American heritage-why Eileen wanted to do this documentary in the first place.   When I found opera singer Lawrence Harris we felt he was the key to complete Eileen's vision. How I understand it, one of the goals she wants to achieve or message in her documentary is to demonstrate individuals pursuing goals and dreams that is out of the ordinary.     

Historically, there is a handful of Native Americans in the world that have had/or have professional careers in opera-it is not typical because opera is a European tradition. The story of Maria Tallchief is a good example of a Native American achieving their highest potential in a European art form such as ballet-she was a prima ballerina under Choreographer, George Ballanchine for the New York City Ballet and founded the Chicago City Ballet.  Eileen wanted to share my story about how I am an aspiring opera singer, recitalist, and classical contemporary composer;  Lawrence Harris, Baritone, is an example of a professional opera singer, who is quite successful performing in opera houses nationally and internationally and so happens to be half Choctaw. Bernard Holland, in the New York Times stated about Lawrence Harris; “This is a Major Voice!”  

This fall we have been focusing on developing the concert that Wisconsin Public Television has requested and we are getting quite the support.  Billie Kress, The Kress Foundation, and Oneida Tourism is showing support as well.  We also raised $10,000 with grants from the Oneida Nation Arts Program and First Nation Composer Initiative’s, “Common Grounds.”  I am not the producer, simply the performer…so I don’t have all the details of the documentary itself.  I also understand the documentary will be featured on Wisconsin Public Television in 2012, DVDs will be distributed in schools nationwide, and the documentary intended to be inspirational and educational. 

The NEWIST/CESA 7 and ETP-NEW Documentary Project concert is scheduled for April 24, 6 PM at the Meyer Theatre of Green Bay, WI. (The concert is free and open to the public.)  We are all working hard and very excited... I compose music so we also wanted Kevin Locke and I to perform 1 or 2 of my songs, which I will still sing in an operatic style but thought it would be beautiful combined with Native American flute.  Lawrence Harris, Baritone, will also perform with Kevin locke... we are all getting ready and selecting our songs. The concert will have some standard classical repertoire, opera arias/duets, traditional Native American flute, and some of my contemporary classical compositions for voice, piano, and Native American flute. 

One of the grants we received is called "Common Grounds," from the First Nation Composer Initiative, which is a branch of the American Composer Forum out of Minneapolis, MN.  The grant is very competitive!  We were pretty excited to get the $5,000 grant.  The Common Grounds grant is primarily for artistic development for all music genres, but also to encourage Native American composers, especially classical, to use the funding on a project where you have Native and Non-Native musicians collaborate-creating a new sound.  The key is to encourage and help develop musicians so they can demonstrate their versatility-show how diverse we really are.  I was eligible for the grant because I am not only Oneida-Iroquois and Oglala Lakota descent; I am also a classical musician and composer.  I enjoy working with people of all nationalities and exploring new ways of expressing music.

One of my personal goals in this concert is to have a set of songs that show an example of fusing both European and Native American music.  It is not easy to do but since I've been a classical musician for so long it is second nature to me and being Native American and grew up around my Oneida people/relatives all my life that becomes second nature too.  There is a new music genre called Native Classical that has been growing it appears in the past 10 years or so.  There are Native American composers striving to add Native American elements to our works without it sounding too contrived and/or Hollywoodish.  Some people call it Native Classical, World Music, or even Native Classical Fusion, but I call it “Indigenous Classical Fusion.”  As a Native American woman composer and classical vocalist I want to ensure that the languages I use (Oneida, Lakota, and/or English), and the melodies are authentic both in the European and Native American cultures.  I don’t think that composers strive to be insulting to anyone-my goal is to always honor cultures through my performances.      

Furthermore, I was able to get Kent Paulsen, pianist and conductor at St. Norbert College to collaborate with me-performing a set of my original compositions.  I am hoping we can find a cellist and a violinist to collaborate with us.  I have worked with him in the past, recently performed with him at the Meyer Theatre, and find him to be very talented in his own right-not to mention does wonderful improvisation.  This is probably his first time performing in concert with a live composer/vocalist that will be singing in the Oneida and/or Lakota language.  It will be a pleasure to work with him and see what we come up with during our collaborations.  I love experimenting with music and thought he would be a lot of fun to work with-we’ll see what kind of new sounds we can create.  

Most people that know me, know that I am very supportive of children in the arts.  One of my life’s prime goals and for  this concert is to inspire and encourage children in the arts.    We have some wonderful talent on board and hoping they can be role models and inspirations for youth as professional performers both instrumentally, vocally, and in dance.  We are striving to encourage Native American youth performers in this project such as; Gavino Limon, 3 year old grass dancer who has been dancing nationwide, Iroquois Smoke Dancers, 6 Oneida teens/young adults that will demonstrate a beautiful and high energy traditional song and dance of the Haudensaunee people (known as the Iroquois or the six nations), and Oneida children's choir that will sing back up for myself.  I wrote several songs in honor of our Oneida youth and look forward to collaborating one of my songs with them as well.  We wanted to share some of the Oneida and Lakota culture in the concert to encourage cultural exchange-help our audiences to better understand Native American people, and simply celebrate life through song and dance!  After all... music is a universal language!  :)     

We have a lot to do yet…and I have been training with my voice teacher Margaret Colbert, a former professional opera singer in Germany and Austria.  Margaret has been a huge support and we are both noticing improvements in my singing!  I want to mention that Margaret is a retired professional opera singer and recently moved back to the states from Germany in 2008.  Like Eileen Littig, Margaret felt I had what she says, “A God given talent,” and she wanted to help me develop my voice.  Margaret has gifted me weekly voice lessons with her.  I have never been offered that opportunity in my whole life-although been accepted in some exceptional voice studios.  This has been a God send because right now I am only an executive assistant and this really helps me a lot.  I also try to help her in any way I can-we are very good friends for each other, and the lessons I receive have helped me immensely.  Not to mention she has such a positive attitude and she knows my repertoire by the back of her hand.  I tease her because I will call her about a song, tell her I'm having problems with it over the phone, and she will sing it for me without having the music in front of her.  Some of these are songs she never performed, but she knew them!  So at first I thought it was because she performed them and it turns out Margaret has to have photographic memory.  LOL… It is nice to have a teacher that knows your repertoire to help you understand your music and to interpret it, but it is awesome when you are stuck you can call your teacher up, and she can coach you over the phone!  LOL... Must be nice to have such a wonderful memory!  ;)    

To say the least, Margaret Colbert is a very forthright and dedicated teacher.  She truly wants to see me go far in my life and she is doing everything she can to train me-she does this wholeheartedly, which I appreciate greatly.  I told her this week that God put us in each other’s life in perfect timing and for a reason.  Margaret told me straight up when I first sang for her, “I would never tell you, you could become a professional opera singer, unless I really felt that you could.”  Margaret was a professional opera singer in Germany and Austria for 20 years and performed lead roles for Tosca, Aida, and Turandot.  I have utmost respect for her.  Margaret feels that I have a beautiful instrument and some basic training, but now we are just smoothing out some edges and I'll be singing professional soon.  I was criticized in 2008 for having a tremola-rapid vibrato.  Fortunately, both Sondra Kelly and Margaret Colbert feel that it is something that is workable and didn't seem too concerned about it.  Margaret said she hasn't heard it for the past year... We think it was caused from tension and forcing too much air during my exhale, while singing.  Makes sense... I am much more relaxed now and feel more confident in myself.  I am shy in nature for me to sing in public is a miracle in itself... LOL...  People don't realize how sick I get!  For me...singing in front of people a lone is a big accomplishment in its self and feel I have come a long way.  This didn't happen overnight...it took a lot of work, performance experience, and a lot of self-talk!  LOL... 

This year’s high light performance was singing at the Meyer Theatre during the Startstruck event.  My voice teacher, Margaret saw me perform-she was so proud of me and said, “you are an exceptional and exciting singer!”  I also received a letter from the Meyer Theatre Director, Julie Lamine; “You did an outstanding performance and have an incredible voice.”  These are examples, that in spite of what some people say…you have to also listen to what other people say.  It helps to put who you are as a person and performer into perspective-need to determine what feedback is going to benefit you as a person and performer. 

This documentary project continues to help me grow on so many levels.  All of the exciting experiences I have been gaining through this are truly milestones that I hope to share with my grandchildren someday.  I think it is important that everyone strives to find something that they can refine throughout their life the best they can-something that they can actually do but also something that is fulfilling for them.  Most importantly, I think everyone needs to show more respect and support for each other.  We don’t always have to agree with each other or strive for the same goals.  I certainly had my pros and cons of striving to pursue a career in singing, which isn’t easy for anyone!  Just the hard work alone is something to be proud of. Yet, I feel I am doing what I am destined to do and I love the creative aspect of being a composer and I love the beauty of singing. 

Singing and art is my muse…My biggest inspiration in my life.  I don’t regret my past, I strive to make the most of my present, and I strive to create paths for my future.  I feel life is what you make it, and appreciate the people that fight for you, love, support, and encourage you!  Nothing in life was ever intended to be taken for granted-appreciate everything because not everything lasts forever.  I don’t know what the outcome of my singing career will be, how many singers do?  All I know is, no matter what, I always strive to be proud of my accomplishments and appreciate the individuals that have reached out to me and helped me grow to be the person I will become.  Singing to me is not just about holding the ultimate award; singing to me is a daily lifestyle and a part of who I am.  No one can take away the songs from my soul-only God can. 

On that note… For every person and experience we encounter-look at it as an opportunity for growth and you will be amazed on how much that will change your life.  I know that it has changed mine and certainly helps you to not see the world like a black and white silent film. :)  

I hope everyone has a memorable holiday season and a New Year filled with good health and happiness!  See you next year!

~Jennifer ; )        

 

Ernie Stevens Sr., my Dad and myself-Christmas of 2009.  We are blessed to still have him in our lives although his health is gradually deteriorating.  He is always welcoming us with his warmth as he always did.  :) 

The late Patricia Stevens, my Mother-who had the prettiest blue eyes.  I liked this design because turquois was her favorite color-matched her eyes! ;)  She passed away due to a long battle of lung cancer.   

 

December 19, 2011

My Calling:  Listening To Your Soul's Voice

I love to do most anything artistic, fun, inspirational, especially when it entails growth, creativity, learning, and loving. I try to keep busy with family and friends and/or activities that bring out the best in me. :) But there are some things that you may not know about me…

I work as an executive assistant-project management, events coordinator, and public relations are my areas of strength. Although I’ve worked in my current position for 10 years, my heart is really in my music and art. My day job is something that provides me a steady income and I think it balances out my creative spirit-it grounds me.

I have trained in singing for 21 years both in college and privately, played piano since I was eight-had lessons but primarily self-taught, a composer-told my music sounds post-romantic, classical contemporary, and world; although I am inspired mostly by opera arias and art songs. Again-I am self-taught in composition-thanks to my parents for buying me a piano. That is one instrument that I can’t live without-I love my piano.

I am not a concert pianist but I need my piano-I believe the piano is my portal to the other side-a world of creativity, imagination, beauty, music, love, and soul. I am not a self-proclaimed composer, I can’t even explain to you where half of the melodies that come to me. Some melodies come to me through my hands-unexplainable…some come from my mind, and some come from my dreams. In the past 5 years I have been working to get my music put on sheet music-it is quite a feat, but there is an advantage. I have been able to give my sheet music to my pianists, and I can sing my songs-I call my arts songs, which I have grown to really appreciate.

Pulling me out of my shell…for 30 years of my life since a piano was put in my hands I would disappear in it, plus horribly shy. Due to not getting the formal piano training, I am self-conscience to play in public, but I discovered I can play enough to write. I am perfectly fine not playing in public, because I can get a pianist to play my works in how they were intended. Learning how to extract my music from my brain is quite taxing. However, since I have been exploring this and performing my works with other musicians-I am hooked. I discovered a whole new dimension of music-love it and is very enriching and fulfilling in my life as well.

Music is not the only part of who I am… I am also a versatile artist. I humbly say that because I don’t believe in being an arrogant artist; I am very appreciative for the abilities I have been given. I think it is important to of course recognize what you are. I am literally a multi-medium artist and what is important to me is being “real”…genuine, and true to my art.

I can’t say that I was influenced by any major role models when I was young to want to become an artist-not until I got older and better understood things and matured. I can honestly say that I know that I had this voice loud and clear that spoke to me inside. My mother was very good about buying me art supplies since I was little. She loved doing craft like projects and mastered the art of making star quilts, but I was instinctively drawn to classical art. I can remember doing a bust sculpture on my own when I was 7-8 years old with clay. I remember I embarrassed my Mother…she didn’t expect that from a child. Where did I get sculpture from-where did I see it? Again, it was one of those things that I can’t explain. I was always compelled to do art but I couldn’t explain why or where it even came from-all I can say is it must have come from my soul.

I really enjoyed art while I was in middle school but I struggled because I couldn’t concentrate with all the kids around me. Of course middle school kids struggle to sit still-that is normal. I was a bit different-I was charged with energy and it got me in trouble actually; I laugh now, but I was kicked out of art class numerous times. But… when I was alone-I could focus and I really enjoyed myself-did quite well. I than entered into high school and I had a real mellow art teacher-she is a very good friend even today. I believe with her easy going nature and encouragement with the combination of some life’s hard knocks-I mellowed out a lot and matured. I enjoyed drawing in pencil and ink, and painting in water color, especially. Although I loved it…Art did not become a major part of my life until my late 20’s.

In 1999 I was given the opportunity to take an Iroquois pottery class with a nationally known Oneida potter, Rose Kerstetter-she waived my fee because I was a college student at the time-studied vocal performance. Rose Kerstetter didn’t know me and didn’t know that I loved art-she just knew I studied opera in college… and I didn’t know her. My parents knew her and encouraged me to take the class. She was teaching the ancient technique of making Oneida pottery… which is hand-building pottery with coils-the “coil method,” some people call it. The second class Rose looked at me and said, “How many years have you been making pottery?” I told her, “I have never made pottery before.” Rose said, “You look like you have been making pottery for 10 years.” My mind was set on opera…I was transferring to Kansas University-Lawrence Kansas at the time. I saw her during my breaks and she asked me to be her apprentice. Due to some unfortunate circumstances, I wasn’t able to study opera. I had to take care of my mother who was dying of progressive lung cancer-in fact I took a 5 year break from singing. It was one of those life blows that you have to try your best to recover from. Rose kept talking to me about being her apprentice-I thought to myself, I don’t know anything about Oneida pottery, hand-building, I’m not in school right now, and I need to do something to help me take my mind off of things. I completed my 6 month apprentice with Rose Kerstetter in 2002.

Not long after my apprenticeship…I was asked to teach Oneida pottery. I ended up mastering the technique quite fast and started to get offers to not only do pottery workshops, but to do demonstrations, exhibits, display booths, and presentations for K-College. This July of 2012 will be my 10 year anniversary for being a professional artist and master instructor. Through this path that was presented to me-I discovered I love teaching and my forte is workshops and presentations. When I researched the history of Oneida pottery I discovered there is a handful of Iroquois potters world- wide –a small percentage of them use the hand-building technique because it is faster to make pottery on wheels, there is hardly any literature on the history of Iroquois pottery of New York State, this ancient art form went into extinction in the late 1600’s, and it wasn’t until the 1960’s that this technique has resurfaced. The art of pottery is going through a revitalization and it returned to the Iroquois people. Historically, the pottery was used to cook and store food-it was the ancient version of a pot on our stoves. Today, the pottery is mostly placed in museums, exhibitions, and/or collectors’ display cases or curio cabinets.

So what is an opera singer doing making Oneida pottery? LOL… Good question! And what is a Master instructor of Iroquois pottery doing writing operatic melodies and original art songs? And why am I singing in English, German, French, Italian, Latin, Oneida, and Lakota? And why on earth do I indulge and explore every art form I can get my hands on? I love singing, composing, playing piano, creative writing, photography, painting, making pottery, sculpting, and even graphic design. I don’t know… I can’t explain it; all I can say is I just listen to that strong voice inside of me…this feeling inside that compels me to appreciate the arts and to tap into my creativity, to embrace it.

Although, many don’t know what to do with me… I think that is what caused some of my frustration as a child. I was diagnosed with a learning disability, but I was never told what it was nor was I given remedies for it. Thanks to our education today-we are better to handle children that have a variety ways of learning. Not all children can be pigeon holed. Thanks to creativity and alternative education-children, parents, and instructors can better understand kids that are not hopping, skipping, and jumping like all the other children. Children are unique individuals, as much as we like to streamline our youth so they are receiving a well-rounded education; we also need to ensure that we approach each student with creativity and respect their uniqueness.

I never thought I would become a teacher-I resented the thought of it because of my own experience of frustration while in school. How is a child supposed to feel when they are being separated from the other children because they are labeled with a “Learning disability?” My parents stressed the importance of college, by the time I was 9 I had it set in my mind to further my education, and I wanted to have a professional career. It is not that I didn’t like higher education-I think it is a necessity for everyone and still do, but what I have learned through some hard knocks is… “Not everyone learns the same.” I started to better understand myself and realized I didn’t have a learning disability… I was simply misdiagnosed, my teachers didn’t know what to do with me, and unfortunately my parents didn’t get a second opinion and trusted our education system was doing the right thing for their child. If I have a learning disability, and a bad kid that needed to be disciplined and kicked out of class once a week; why is it I never took drugs, never drank, was never put in jail, and had an ultra-sensitivity, ability, and love for music and art?

Finally when I entered into high school I was exposed to more music and art and that is when my life started to change. Music and art was my outlet and way to work through my thoughts and feelings-I had a lot going on inside of me for a young girl not to mention… a lot going on in my life. But as the saying goes…”what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!” I am so grateful for the opportunities to be able to tap into my creativity on so many levels.

When I was in my mid 20's I tried to investigate or better understand what my "Learning Disability," was since I really didn't know.  All I was told as a child was I had a reading disability, so I went a long with it... Okay, what ever that means-I don't understand it.  The odd part about all of this was...I was the kid that would read to class at every opportunity.  If I have a reading disability than why is it I get called on the most to read to my classmates...?  So I kept reading. 

Over time I tried to put my label behind me-it got to a point that I was in denial of it.  In one sense that is good on the other sense how can you fix it or find remedies for it unless you understand it?  I did some research to get myself tested-I talked to a pscyhologist and she administered various tests on me.  I tested out and she laughed.  She had a big smile on her face and said, "you scored 120% on your perceptional organizational skills-the national average is at 80%."  Her diagnosis was I was over stimulated-that I absorb everything all at once and my brain processes it so fast that it is hard for me to concentrate, yet I can multi-task.  So apparently if I am multi-tasking I can concentrate?  That seems to be the case... all of this helps and I'll continue to figure myself out.        

It is a very interesting time in my life now… I certainly see who I am and my life much clearer. I have found it is so important to listen to our internal voices-to me that is what is called…”Our calling.” My Mother couldn’t explain why her kid was sculpting human busts/bodies in clay (she was catholic so that didn’t go over too well either. I’m kidding…), teachers can’t explain why I can compose classical music on piano, and write lyrics without a degree in composition and creative writing, and how am I supposed to know how to make Oneida pottery and be a Master instructor without 40 years of experience? I can’t explain it… I am not arrogant-an egotistical self-proclaimed artist, but I am an artist. To me-art is sacred… it is meant to be respected and each person needs to utilize their gifts and you hope they strive to use them to benefit humanity. Art and music in the world humbles me…teaches me so much-I couldn’t survive without it. I was never a person that had to receive blue ribbons to prove I was the best-but always the type of person to hone my own skills so I could do my best.

I was born an artist-this is just the way the universe made me, but in my eyes there is a responsibility for that and some challenges. I believe that music and art is one of the greatest gifts to humanity. For schools to cut their art and music budgets and put it into their sports account, to me is a travesty. Cutting budgets is one thing… but preventing our children to have access to a well-rounded education is very unfortunate. Are we really providing the “Best Blue Ribbon,” education for our children? It is like our world is regressing vs. progressing. The thought that comes to mind… why are parents pulling their kids out of school? I sometimes wished homeschooling was an option for me or an alternative school. I feel I am another example…living proof that children need options for the best education and to be given the opportunities to strive for excellence. Remember me…I was the kid kicked out of class…. ?

My family and friends say I am a “Jack of all trades,” and we laugh about it. So I tease them back and say…”Ah… But, a Master of one-An Iroquois Potter!” LOL… I have to show something for myself-that I haven’t wasted my life away with creative nonsense. Trust me, being ultra-creative makes life a lot of fun! But there is a flip side to every coin… I may be able to do well in various mediums of the arts but the real challenge is deciding; ”Which medium speaks to you the strongest, that you can have a professional career in, and what makes you happiest?” How do you decide when “ART and MUSIC,” in every form makes you happy-it is hard to decide sometimes. I’ve worked very hard for the past 5-8 years or so to narrow down my focus and make them a priority. My new theory is…I have mastered Oneida pottery at a fairly high level early in my career but I can’t sing forever… so I decided to make singing my priority and use my art to pay for my music education. LOL… So for all my family, friends, communities, and former instructors… I have a plan here. I’m not an artist on the loose and I promise I will make something of myself. ;)

January 13, 2012